Why is it so hard to leave my wife?

I found out that my wife had a very filthy and complicated promiscuous past with many men and women before we married whereas I was a virgin at the time of marriage as our religion (Greek Orthodox Christian) requires. I was just 19 when I met her and we became engaged. My wife confessed to lies about virginity after taking new medication during a night when she had wild mood swings. My reaction has been delayed. Really I have not reacted to her . I am a non confrontational person. I just stopped talking,laughing or smiling. I did not react in any way and now she thinks I will eventually get over it and we are going to live happily ever after, but I just want a divorce. I really cannot see any way for the relationship based on lies to survive and I have read a lot about trying to make things work but it sounds like it will be too painful for me. I don't understand why I cannot leave after one month after learning of the promiscuity. Is it because she is the only woman I have been with? Even though I hate her and she is a is it because I don't think I can do better than her? WHen I met her 10 years ago she even gave me what I now believe to be an STD,thankfully now under control, but I was too innocent to know or believe she would lie to me about her promiscuity. I want to divorce her but it is hard to just get up and go. Am I such a loyal cuckold because she is all I know even though she hurt me and I cannot stand the sight of her?A few hours ago I got drunk for maybe the second time in my life to see if I can get some emotions but I have no emotions left. Maybe suicide is easier than divorce.